Trouble? Moi?!

You Are a Troublemaker

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate. You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken. And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted. Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved. Your strength: Your flair Your weakness: If you think it, you say it Your power color: Scarlet red Your power symbol: Inverted triangle Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Ha! I'm going to be outspoken and say what I think -- am not some dramatic ol' troublemaker! And that's the truth, from somewhere between Insight and Stupidity.

Happy Hump Day!

Kids...

The drummer and his mom were my next-door neighbors in the late 70s. I'd say the kid's done okay for himself.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

TGIF and have a great weekend!

You Are Chocolate

When you're stressed out, you crave intense pleasure. And you're willing to skip a proper meal and proceed directly to the food you like best. You find solace in hedonism and luxury. You tend to turn your nose up at most traditional comfort foods. Somewhat surprisingly, trying a new food (especially a new type of chocolate) can be the most comforting thing for you.

What Comfort Food Are You?

Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

It's Coming!

Lost Shaker of Salt

It's Wednesday in Serenaville. I've got no sponge cake, no six-string. There's no tequila, either, so I guess I don't really need the salt shaker.

I didn't do anything noteworthy Monday. Or Tuesday. Maybe today. Or maybe not.

In any event, it's Hump Day. Have a happy one!

The Friday Thingonmyblog

TGIF! Not saying I'm getting a tattoo but, if I did, apparently this is what is recommended for me. What kind of tattoo will you be getting?

You Should Get An Asian Inspired Tattoo

Mysterious and expressive You like to show off, but you also like to keep some allure

What Tattoo Should You Get?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

RIP, Donna Summer.

Say You Will

Seriously, you know you want to. So I'm not a cute kitty -- big deal. You still know you feel an overwhelming compulsion to indulge my every whim, don't you? Redheads are just ... different. You know? We need want what we want when we want it. It's everyone else's job to ensure that this happens as smoothly and rapidly as humanly possible. This is true, yes? If you disagree, please by all means raise your hand. I double-dog dare you!

Look into my eyes...

Um -- Yeah

Happy Hump Day!

Hoping for Dry

And yet it doesn't seem all that different from Monday -- except maybe for the weather. It was monsoon season here yesterday. Rain may set in again this afternoon but, for now, so far, so good.

Have a good (and dry!) Tuesday.

Everyday Magic

I may go shopping today -- for some fairy dust and a little Tink luck. We all need a little magic in our lives. If they don't have it at the mall, I'll just look somewhere else.

Happy Hump Day!

As Long As I'm Invisible to Zombies...

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I don't like the new Blogger Interface that's taking over soon. Alas, it's being forced on everyone, like it or not, take it or leave it. Low man on the totem pole takes whatever is dished out, whenever they deign to dish it out. Sometimes, you just get whatever dregs are left. Well, I ought to be used to that by now. You probably are, too.

I've been doing fairly steady work for Crazy Ex-Boss Lady, but I haven't found a new actual job. I'm not even getting any worthwhile call-backs. If I'm going to be the freakin' Invisible Woman, it ought to at least work when I need it -- like bad hair days or when muggers and Zombies are on the prowl. Anyway, I've had, I think, two responses from ads I've answered, neither of which I was remotely interested in. I mean, come on, can you see me working in a cemetery office? I don't think so! There may come a time when I am forced to take something -- anything -- no matter how much it sucks. But this ain't that time. Not yet. I wonder if perky 30-year-olds have this same problem? I somehow kind of doubt it. Not that I'm not perky enough, but I saw the far side of 30 a bit of a ways back. Age matters. Damn straight.

My fridge went on the fritz Saturday. It was cool inside it, but far from cold. There's nobody in the management office on weekends so I had to wait 'til Monday to send an SOS, after which the appliance guy came pretty quickly. He had to go buy some kind of part called a "heater" -- who knew refrigerators had heaters? -- and got it fixed. Luckily, I didn't lose anything I had in the refrigerator or freezer. Well, the ice cream in the freezer door did kind of melt a little during the repair process, but then it refroze. It's not pretty but, what the hell, I'm eating it anyway.

I'm not sitting around waiting for the axe to fall. Hell, no! When I'm not doing the everyday minutiae that everybody has to do, and some stuff I do just because I want to, I'm wearing out my Kindle reading one book after another. Zombie Apocalypse novels are my favorite. Go figure. I'm just amazed at the number of free Kindle books Amazon offers, with constantly updated lists to choose from. Some of them aren't edited for crap. But I read 'em anyway -- and am keeping a list of the publishers to see who's hiring editors. No moss growing on my butt.

Pebbles & Gems

The Friday Thingonmyblog

Your Word is "Why"

You see life as complicated and intriguing. The only thing you know for sure is that you haven't figured it all out yet. You question everything and believe very little. And whatever you believe is likely to change. You are interested in theories, philosophies, and religions... even if you don't buy into any of them. You are also fascinated by how things work. You'd like to understand as much in the world as possible.

What's Your Word?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

House of Cards

Yes, most of the things... But sometimes they do.

What is the linchpin of one's life? I suppose there comes a time when one must prioritize.

What's important? What's not?

What is crucial to maintaining a balanced life? What is ephemera?

What is sustainable? What is façade and, therefore, not solid? What is enduring? What is disposable?

How much does it matter -- should it matter -- if life slaps you upside the head and demands that you recognize that sometimes things aren't what they appear? Or that sometimes they're exactly what they seem? There's not much point in moping over your place in the grand scheme of things not being quite what you thought it was.

Just wondering ... as I always do. There comes a time when one has to ask the hard questions. What the heck do you do if no answers magically appear?

Hard truths are kind of like porn is to the Supreme Court -- you know it when you see it. Don't you think?

Farewell to an American Icon

Who's old enough to remember American Bandstand? At the risk of admitting that, yes, I'm from the Stone Age, I loved Bandstand when I was a teenager. What we saw and heard on Bandstand was how we decided on which 45s we'd blow our allowance. For the younguns among us, 45s were ... records; see Wickipedia for the definition. Yeah, it was a different time.

RIP, Dick Clark.





1929-2012

Mid-way

We've all lived to the middle of the week. It's a downhill roll from here.

From my humble -- and soggy! -- abode to yours, Happy Hump Day!

Ho-hum

I haven't been around much lately. We haven't had a Zombie Apocalypse or anything here. I've just been a little busy, a tad harried, and a lot distracted. Man, you have to seriously jump through hoops to keep the Unemployment coming. I'm becoming a damn good jumper. Out of all the resumes I've sent out, I've had only one legitimate call-back. And that was yesterday, the same day Ex Boss Lady made me a firm (I think) offer. I'm giving it serious consideration, too. I'd have to lower my hourly rate from what I've been charging her for freelance work, but even so, I'd still be doing okay -- and working from home, which I adore.

Have a good Tuesday and I'll catch you later.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

TGIF, have a great weekend, and Happy Easter!

You Are a Caramel Apple Jelly Bean

You have a gentle sophistication. An appreciation of fine things, without being snobby about it. You enjoy sweet tastes and silky textures.

What Flavor Jelly Bean Are You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Save the Peeps, Redux

'Tis the season, pre-Easter and all, so if you can stand one more recycled post, here's "Save the Peeps" from April 7, 2007.

With Easter fast approaching, it is time to resurrect and once again address a pressing social issue, to-wit: the wholesale hunting and mass cannibalization of ... Peeps.

You've all seen these sweet creatures with their colorful yellow, pink, and blue plumage. I ask you, what harm have these innocent beings ever done? For what reason are they subjected to this carnage every Easter? Oh, the cruelty of it! They are raised under inhumane conditions in brightly colored cardboard boxes, unable to breathe through the cellophane wrappings covering their close quarters. They are teased into believing liberation is near when the cellophane is suddenly ripped away, only to find themselves pinched, poked, twisted, and wrenched -- without benefit of anesthesia. Why, I've seen the poor little things ripped from the relative security of their boxes and their heads cruelly bitten off. Right in front of their friends and families, no less, thereby traumatizing future generations of Peeps.

Since confession is said to be good for the soul, I suppose I must confess my own sin in hopes of expiating this dark blot staining my soul. It pains me to admit it, but I, too, have a warped and base taste for sweet, tender, marshmallowy Peeps flesh. Yes, I freely confess and most humbly beg forgiveness. It's true -- I love the sublimely sugary taste of Peeps, preferably young yellow ones. It is, I know, a hideous predilection, one that I should be ashamed of, and one that I'll probably go to hell for. And yet, I find myself craving fresh Peeps blood not only at the time of the Great Spring Peeps Hunt but all year long. I am so twisted that the mere thought of freshly unwrapped Peeps makes me practically orgasmic. Oh, the shame of it. I am a beast. This is a sickness. I must do whatever it takes to find absolution for my part in this abomination. I know this. And I will do it. Next year, perhaps.

Yes, next year we must all join forces and save the Peeps. We could perhaps recruit some of the more socially conscious rock bands and throw a benefit concert. For this year, just one more time, happy hunting!


Words Gone Wild acting up and kicked to the curb by Twisted Linguistics:


exscuses - A list of things exs are good for.

your wrong and they are write - It was your bad and the ubiquitous They are going to write an exposé about it.

condemation - A confederation of condiments (whose president is Catsup).

comoic books - Books that are neither funny nor co-authored nor for me.

romamnce - Mammies in love.

concider - Spiked cider. Drink it and you'll fall for anything.

I didn't get any, you guys our lucky - I didn't WANT any, which means you guys must be our lucky charms.



Today's Installment of Dear Twit

Half-crazed author's reply to the company's last letter:

Dear Pimp Deputy,

Well, the AssHat Woman wouldn't go for the money. So, how's about it, P-Dep? Twenty big ones? Hey, you're the one who edited my book, aren't you? I can tell by your unique spelling. Thanks a lot! I really appreciated the typos and inserted errors. I'd like to insert some stuff y'all's way. You wouldn't want to give me a working street address, would you? Listen, would begging work on you? Could you please, PLEASE release my pissy little book? Which, by the way, isn't making you any more money than your horsey looking girls are. I mean, really, how are y'all going to keep gas in the helicopter with books that aren't selling? Where, I ask you, is the percentage in that? Oh, hell, I know I'm talking to some dude wearing a big old silly looking Pimp Daddy suit. You're not going to do a thing for me, are you? Who else do you have up there that I could talk to?

Sincerely, Frustrated (Yes, I changed my name again -- deal with it! )
P.S. -- About that wrap thing, might I suggest P-Dippy and the Ho-dettes?


Dear Frustrated,

We're sorry, or as sorry as we ever get, but we are laughing so hard we can't even respond. We might answer you next week if we feel like it. No, on second thought, we might as well get it over with.

Well according to our last E-mail we were made to send we scamed 30 writrs 2day. So I guess we cud uze 40 bucks to pay dem hefty advances that would leave us 10 to pay sum of dem royalty thingys. Should take care of at least ate authors. U can send the money but I cant gurentee you will get anything for it. I don't know nuttin bout no helocopter. I'll have to ask uncle Bobby-Bill bout that. Beg? hell you can bark for all the good it'll do. I gots no power here cept to send e-mails.

Just another AssHat from AST Absolutely Stupid Twits


Dear Stupid AssHat Twit,

What, no tone, Mr. P-Dep? I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I really crave that tone, you know. Putrid Publishing won't give me any. Hell, they won't talk to me at all. They have really hurt my feelings by giving everybody else tone and me -- nada. I mean, I torment them just as good as anybody else. Maybe I need to work on my technique. Oh, well, thanks anyway, Mr. PimpAss Deputy. Could I talk to Billy-Bob now? Bet he could give me a little tone.

Sincerely, Confussed About Her Tonability


OK "Confused:"

Don't Take that tone with me. I'll tell Billy-Bob AND Bobby-Bill my self and they will slap ya down like they do Big Betty every night. I could respond to your questions, but the underpay me to side step them. Well I am late for my appointment With Uncle Bobby-Bill. I have to get degraded every night about this time.

Sincerely,
Soon to be another General Partner

04/05/2012:
If you're totally confused by the "Dear Twit" gibberish, these are entries from a "column" by moi in another time and another place which spent every available moment smacking down a truly slimy publishing outfit -- because laughter truly is the best medicine. And it showed the Evil Publisher that payback is a bitch, too. Back in '06 and '07, I was including a lot of these on my blog.

I've always saved myself. These days, however, I sometimes think I need a little help. Lord almighty, great balls of fire, somebody save me! And not just from myself.

"White Wedding," Redux

Princess Dragonfly's comment yesterday about the pole dancing Peep put me in mind of past Peeps posts. This one, "White Wedding," is from March 14, 2008, when I decided to amuse myself with a Peeps wedding tableau on my dining room table. Yeah, I was bored that year.

...or, Peeps in Love

Alfred Lord Tennyson will just have to forgive me for saying, "In the Spring a young Peep's fancy turns madly to thoughts of love."




I had a perfectly suck-ass day yesterday, so I figure I'm entitled to some pure, unadulterated nonsense today. To put it succinctly, my hours have been cut -- again -- and my job ends altogether on May 1. I knew my boss would retire sometime; I just didn't think it would be this soon. Or this suddenly. Now I have to hustle and find something else that I can tolerate. Joy, joy.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS

corpmany - A pile of dead Peeps.

ilegaly - Peeps lawyers.

Paulitzer prize - Prize handed out for drinking, named after a Peep named Paul.

menatlly disorder - Pathological lying among male Peeps.

terapy - Training Peeps to be more aggressive.

~Yes, I posted way early. I have mountains to move and worlds to conquer tomorrow. Today. Whatever.

I think this video, added today (04/04/2012) is apropos to the theme. Plus, I just ... love it.